Dear God,
Please don't let me eat any ice cream until after Kim's wedding. I promise to behave at least until then and longer if at all possible. But you know how hard that is for me. So please forgive me in advance. You rock!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Captain Obvious
Ya know I just gotta think things will turn around soon. My guardian angel will come back from break and my job situation will change for the better. Soon and very soon I will be gainfully employed. Until then, however, I'll be attending a weekly job transition group where I will meet other women in similar situations. We can support each other and share stories and network. But let me tell you if it turns into a sappy therapy-fest, I'll be out of there faster than you can say, "pass the Kleenex."
Support can be good. It's slightly more helpful than when my dad says, "You need to find a job."
Well thank you Captain Obvious! Do I? Do I really need to find a job? Do I have a mortgage? Am I the only one who pays my bills? Is a job what I need to find? Thanks for bringing that to my attention.
As if I haven't been looking every day for almost 365 days straight. As if I don't have a spreadsheet full of companies I've applied to. As if I don't have a file folder full of job descriptions, interview tips and networking paraphernalia. Every single freakin' time I attend a networking meeting, I come home with another stack of bullshit to file. I don't think it's a job I need. I think it's another stack of bullshit!
Thank you Dad, I appreciate the reminder. And I know you have my best interest at heart. I just hope these weekly networking meetings prove to be a little more helpful.
Heaven knows there's no way they could be less helpful.
Support can be good. It's slightly more helpful than when my dad says, "You need to find a job."
Well thank you Captain Obvious! Do I? Do I really need to find a job? Do I have a mortgage? Am I the only one who pays my bills? Is a job what I need to find? Thanks for bringing that to my attention.
As if I haven't been looking every day for almost 365 days straight. As if I don't have a spreadsheet full of companies I've applied to. As if I don't have a file folder full of job descriptions, interview tips and networking paraphernalia. Every single freakin' time I attend a networking meeting, I come home with another stack of bullshit to file. I don't think it's a job I need. I think it's another stack of bullshit!
Thank you Dad, I appreciate the reminder. And I know you have my best interest at heart. I just hope these weekly networking meetings prove to be a little more helpful.
Heaven knows there's no way they could be less helpful.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Compassion
Really, I am a compassionate person.
But I'm also unemployed at the moment. And struggling to pay my bills. If one more debt consolidation company calls me on the phone or solicits me via junk mail, or if one more non-profit calls me for a donation, I swear I'm gonna blow! And no one will get any of the money I owe or can potentially afford to donate.
Will that make you happy? Well, will it?
I got a call today to donate in support of finding a cure for Children's cancer. Honest to God, I wish there were no cancer for children or for anyone. But I am not kidding when I say I'm charging my groceries on a credit card -- not a debit card -- a credit card. I'm charging my gas and I'm charging anything that's not a monthly bill on a credit card.
Earlier today I got a call from a contractor who wanted to give me an estimate for storm damage (did we recently have a storm that I slept through?) And just now I got an email notification from the Lupus Foundation stating that it especially needs clothing. I happen to have lost weight in the past three months -- I especially need clothing that fits for job interviews.
I wish there were no such thing as deadly diseases, and I wish no one was in desperate need of clothing or food or shelter. I wish no one suffered from physical or emotional abuse. And honest to God, I wish the United States were not in the horrible predicament and financial turmoil that it is currently in. But I cannot, can absolutely not take another solicitation from anyone, any organization, any corporate entity that asks me to help. I am strapped.
Physically, financially, emotionally. I'm strapped. I'm living on a credit card, using unemployment and my tax refund (thank you God) to pay my bills and mustering all the emotional energy I have to apply for any job that represents some sort of hope. Yes, I have a home. No I am not living on the street. But I do not have extra money at the moment. When I do have money (and I've completely forgotten what that feels like), I tithe and I give to charities. I'm a compassionate person.
I seem to be on everyone's call list. Like where the hell did these people get my number? And who said it's OK to solicit me? Isn't there a 'please do not call list' for the unemployed? While I'm receiving unemployment benefits, can't I be on a 'do not call list for the fragile?' I am more than happy to share when I have money. But please, please, until I find a job will you please not solicit me?
That's all I ask.
But I'm also unemployed at the moment. And struggling to pay my bills. If one more debt consolidation company calls me on the phone or solicits me via junk mail, or if one more non-profit calls me for a donation, I swear I'm gonna blow! And no one will get any of the money I owe or can potentially afford to donate.
Will that make you happy? Well, will it?
I got a call today to donate in support of finding a cure for Children's cancer. Honest to God, I wish there were no cancer for children or for anyone. But I am not kidding when I say I'm charging my groceries on a credit card -- not a debit card -- a credit card. I'm charging my gas and I'm charging anything that's not a monthly bill on a credit card.
Earlier today I got a call from a contractor who wanted to give me an estimate for storm damage (did we recently have a storm that I slept through?) And just now I got an email notification from the Lupus Foundation stating that it especially needs clothing. I happen to have lost weight in the past three months -- I especially need clothing that fits for job interviews.
I wish there were no such thing as deadly diseases, and I wish no one was in desperate need of clothing or food or shelter. I wish no one suffered from physical or emotional abuse. And honest to God, I wish the United States were not in the horrible predicament and financial turmoil that it is currently in. But I cannot, can absolutely not take another solicitation from anyone, any organization, any corporate entity that asks me to help. I am strapped.
Physically, financially, emotionally. I'm strapped. I'm living on a credit card, using unemployment and my tax refund (thank you God) to pay my bills and mustering all the emotional energy I have to apply for any job that represents some sort of hope. Yes, I have a home. No I am not living on the street. But I do not have extra money at the moment. When I do have money (and I've completely forgotten what that feels like), I tithe and I give to charities. I'm a compassionate person.
I seem to be on everyone's call list. Like where the hell did these people get my number? And who said it's OK to solicit me? Isn't there a 'please do not call list' for the unemployed? While I'm receiving unemployment benefits, can't I be on a 'do not call list for the fragile?' I am more than happy to share when I have money. But please, please, until I find a job will you please not solicit me?
That's all I ask.
A Promise Note
Dear Paula,
You have been a trooper throughout the past two-an-a-half years of layoffs and job rejections. You deserve a break. Great things will come your way.
That is why I promise to buy you all new matching Tupperware when you land that awesome position that you so aptly deserve.
Gladware, be gone!!
You have been a trooper throughout the past two-an-a-half years of layoffs and job rejections. You deserve a break. Great things will come your way.
That is why I promise to buy you all new matching Tupperware when you land that awesome position that you so aptly deserve.
Gladware, be gone!!
Unemployment Therapy
Having pounded the pavement for nearly 12 months with few prospects in sight, I've found it entertaining and almost therapeutic to critique websites, job postings and job boards. For example, here is one bullet point from a Product Manager job description:
As needed? Really? So let's say I apply for this job and, in the unlikely event that I actually get called in for an interview, I'm going to lose out on the job because I say something like this, "I've successfully supported the efforts of cross-functional teams to achieve project objectives on time and within budget, including product teams, information technology teams, operations, legal, marketing and other groups. And please note that I only support efforts of other groups when it is not needed."
"Will you be calling me back for a second interview?"
Support efforts of cross-functional teams to achieve project objectives on time and within budget, including: Deposit Product team, Information Technology, Operations, Legal, Marketing, and other groups as needed.
As needed? Really? So let's say I apply for this job and, in the unlikely event that I actually get called in for an interview, I'm going to lose out on the job because I say something like this, "I've successfully supported the efforts of cross-functional teams to achieve project objectives on time and within budget, including product teams, information technology teams, operations, legal, marketing and other groups. And please note that I only support efforts of other groups when it is not needed."
"Will you be calling me back for a second interview?"
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
The Naked Interview
So I'm looking for a job, right? And I haven't had much luck. I will even go so far as to say my search has become desperate these past few weeks. I'm applying for this job and that job. I'm over qualified. I'm under qualified. I'm even applying for jobs that I don't want!
In addition to applying online and wondering who grabs the resumes out of cyberspace (if they ever make it out of cyberspace at all), I've also started dropping off resume packets in person in an effort to set myself apart from the droves of other unemployed lame ducks out there. I am following up with contacts time and again, especially for the jobs I want.
Following is an example of my desperation:
After two unreturned phone calls and one returned phone call to the wrong HR contact, I was finally given the name and direct phone number of the recruiter for this really cool position that I really, really want. Jackpot.
So I called her, right? Got her voicemail, which I fully expected so I was prepared with an awesomely clever voicemail message. She returned my call! Unfortunately, I was out for a walk (knew I never should have started this exercising shit). But anyway, I called her back pronto.
Got her voicemail. Seriously? Hadn't she been waiting for my return call? But I managed to pull another fab voicemail message out of my ass. Love being clever! And waited for her to call me back. After about 20 minutes I decided to jump in the tub. I brought the phone in the bathroom with me so in the unlikely event that she'd call right at the same time I was bathing, I could hear it ring. I didn't think she'd call though because my phone usually never rings unless I'm drying my hair. And then it's just imaginary rings.
Sure enough, I had no more than gotten into the tub and laid back to get my hair wet when the phone rang. Again I say to you, seriously? I jumped out of the tub, checked caller ID and of course it was her, so I grabbed a towel and stepped out of the bathroom before I said hello (bathrooms seem to be echoey). She asked me if this was a good time to talk.
Of course I said yes, given our recent game of phone tag. But what I didn't realize was she had planned a complete phone screening interview when I had merely planned to confirm receipt of my resume and possible next steps. My conversation would have likely lasted two minutes. Her conversation lasted 15 minutes. The good news is I feel like I aced the interview.
In my past experiences, being naked has never brought me luck necessarily. However, I feel like this instance may have been different. I do expect a call back. When she calls, my plan is first to confirm on caller ID then strip down to full nakedness and grab a towel.
"Yes, yes Emily, this is a good time to talk!"
In addition to applying online and wondering who grabs the resumes out of cyberspace (if they ever make it out of cyberspace at all), I've also started dropping off resume packets in person in an effort to set myself apart from the droves of other unemployed lame ducks out there. I am following up with contacts time and again, especially for the jobs I want.
Following is an example of my desperation:
After two unreturned phone calls and one returned phone call to the wrong HR contact, I was finally given the name and direct phone number of the recruiter for this really cool position that I really, really want. Jackpot.
So I called her, right? Got her voicemail, which I fully expected so I was prepared with an awesomely clever voicemail message. She returned my call! Unfortunately, I was out for a walk (knew I never should have started this exercising shit). But anyway, I called her back pronto.
Got her voicemail. Seriously? Hadn't she been waiting for my return call? But I managed to pull another fab voicemail message out of my ass. Love being clever! And waited for her to call me back. After about 20 minutes I decided to jump in the tub. I brought the phone in the bathroom with me so in the unlikely event that she'd call right at the same time I was bathing, I could hear it ring. I didn't think she'd call though because my phone usually never rings unless I'm drying my hair. And then it's just imaginary rings.
Sure enough, I had no more than gotten into the tub and laid back to get my hair wet when the phone rang. Again I say to you, seriously? I jumped out of the tub, checked caller ID and of course it was her, so I grabbed a towel and stepped out of the bathroom before I said hello (bathrooms seem to be echoey). She asked me if this was a good time to talk.
Of course I said yes, given our recent game of phone tag. But what I didn't realize was she had planned a complete phone screening interview when I had merely planned to confirm receipt of my resume and possible next steps. My conversation would have likely lasted two minutes. Her conversation lasted 15 minutes. The good news is I feel like I aced the interview.
In my past experiences, being naked has never brought me luck necessarily. However, I feel like this instance may have been different. I do expect a call back. When she calls, my plan is first to confirm on caller ID then strip down to full nakedness and grab a towel.
"Yes, yes Emily, this is a good time to talk!"
Note to self
Never post a blog after 11pm or when the wine bottle is half empty, which is often one in the same.
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