I Regret To Inform You

Oh, I see. Oh, yes, yes, I understand. You can't hire me for this position. I understand. Thank you so much for letting me know. I certainly do appreciate your time. Have a great afternoon.

No I do effing NOT understand. But what difference does it make? The decision has been made. If you are going to tell me that I'm not hired, at least don't give me the BS about "We have reviewed your resume and have carefully considered your qualifications. While your skills are certainly impressive, we have decided to pursue other candidates for the position."

Or, "While we are not currently hiring we would like to keep your resume on file, as any moment we could get insanely busy and need help"

Or, "I have the difficult job of informing you that we are not able to bring you on board [XYZ company] at this time."

Or, " We have decided to move in a different direction with this role. I appreciate your time to respond to my initial request and wish you the best in your search. "

Or, "Like many others in this economy I have imposed a hiring freeze until things brighten up a bit."

Or, "After carefully reviewing the qualifications and background of the candidate pool for this position, we regret to inform you that we are unable to offer you a position at this time."

Blah, blah, blah! The form letters don't cut it for me. I really want to know what it was specifically that took me out of the running for the position. Was I under qualified? Was I over qualified? Do I need more than six professional references and three letters of recommendation? Did you not like it that I dropped off my resume in person to set myself apart from the crowd? Cuz if that's the case, the expert on Today needs to rethink her advice. SHE recommended doing that.

Was my handshake too firm? Was my eye contact too direct? Did I ask the wrong questions? Did you completely and totally HATE my interview suit? What was it? Puh-leeze! Just tell me. I'll work on it. Did I forget to mention that I'll come in early? I'll stay late, take a class, attend a seminar. Whatever it takes, I'll do it.

Am I too much of a sarcastic bee-otch?

Uh I regret to inform you that YOU'LL need to get over THAT one. And I wish you the best of luck in doing so.